Nil's LiveJournal

Had a nightmare about Julia having doubts about whether her love for me is (was?) real, and breaking up with me but staying friends because she wasn't sure about the whole business.  There also were a bunch of references to other things I worry about, like PDAs, having to stay away when she's freaking out / not being helpful, my parents and their plans of things, and not being able to to remember the names of the other (newer) college students.

This would be so much easier to shake off if it didn't keep reminding me of the last nightmare I had (see about 6 or seven posts down, nicely placed in the post before the on about me breaking up with my ex [don't I have the most helpful descriptions]).

On the bright side, this was relatively mild compared to the other dream.  I woke up feeling miserable and sick, whereas in the other dream I woke up cold, numb, and horrified.  And I'm feeling better now, whereas from the other dream I spend most of my day sobbing or near-sobbing.

I guess that having a dream of your girlfriend breaking up with you and staying friends is a hell of a lot better than having a dream of your girlfriend offing herself because of things you did, on some weird, nasty scale of things.  Or maybe I have enough confidence in Julia that I don't need to worry.

Of course, there's the cynic in my mind that reminds me that I thought things with Edelweiss were going well right up until the end.

So I've been fussing around with what cards to buy from MTGfanatic to be able to make cool decks without spending large amounts of money.  Which means I'm testing out cards with Magic Workstation, a program where I could just as easily make a theoretical deck using any card ever printed.

When I get around to my next purchase, I'll have the cards to make this - none of them are terribly expensive, all being in the 29 cents and under range.  Hey, I can even add the prices...

( Deck is written here. )

I took a personality quiz tonight, and I figured that I would do my habit, and post the results up here with review.

Link:

http://www.personaldna.com/report.php?k=lWetmkQjjGGXcTZ-OO-CDACD-950b

The test was surprisingly fun to do, with an interesting yet intuitive way of measuring things.  I know that it's less definite than those "Yes-No" "Which describes you more" quizzes, but I definitely did not vomit out the same answers as all the previous times.  And it was fun.


Anyway, here's my bit o' chatter:


Anyway, what do all you folk think?  What questions do you have?  What criticisms do you have in store to help me improve myself?  Where do you think the quiz was right?  Where was it wrong?  What are your alternate evaluations?  Be sure to read the actual page itself, as it has some other useful information there.

Well?

Today, I got in my room after breakfast, and as I sat down at my desk, my phone beeped and said that a voicemail had just been recorded.  Curious, I called my voicemail, and listened to a message.  Then listened to it again.

I couldn't really tell what was being said, nor did I recognize the number or the voice.  It occurred to me that nobody would be calling me now, and of the words I heard, I was pretty sure that it was not something someone would call me about - I have no car, and whether or not it was time to go pick up someone would be pretty strange to tell me.

I almost put off replying to the phone call, as I had other things to do (like write a five-page essay by 6pm that night), but I recalled a particular word: "Time."

You see, if there was time involved, the ill-dialed call would be more than someone not getting someone else's message.  Instead, it would be someone missing what he or she was supposed to do.  Parted with what I thought I got from the context, I figured that something was happening that might be important.

So I called back, and was answered by the same cheery voice who had left the message on my phone - I told her that I had received a voicemail from this number that I believed was a mis-dial.  She asked me if if my number was a particular number, but I only caught the last digits of what she was reciting: "34."  I told her that my number ended in 0731, and that she probably hit the wrong key when typing it in.  She agreed, and I wished her good luck on her phone call before we hung up.

The whole deal probably took a minute, maybe two.

But I did a good thing.

I'm pretty sure that it was worth the two minutes.

Yesterday I bought a sandwich from Quiznos - it cost about $6, and was very, very good.  I paid for the sandwich (I guess it's a sub, technically) with a 20 dollar bill, netting me about $14 in change.  The lady at the cashier handed me change in a few coins, about three one dollar bills, and a 10 dollar bill.  I accepted the money, and started putting it in my wallet when I noticed something:

The ten dollar bill was soft.

Not just soft as it in wasn't starched or anything, but rather instead of feeling like crisp paper--like the other two bills--it felt more like fine cloth.  It was worn, I realized, old and well-used.

It's gone now, used to pay for this morning's bagel, but I wonder...

Where has this bill been?  Where is it going?  What has its life been like?


I guess I'll never know.

Last night (including about an hour of this morning), my girlfriend and I broke up.  I'm still sort of lost in my future majorly changing.  Best of luck for Aurora and Edelweiss, obviously.  Well, maybe not so obviously - I mean, it would make sense for me to be pissed, I guess...  but they are currently pretty much my two best friends - how am I supposed to be mad at two people amazing as them?  I guess not.

Well, maybe part of that would be me sort of choosing this... end of things as the best solution.

So one more dead relationship in this world.  Cause of death: Loss of passion.


Oh, and there was the most hilarious exchange in the chat between Aurora and I.

Nil: So, if I am technically dumped, does that make me free to snake on my ex's girl?
Nil: :P
Nil: (Kidding, 'Rora.)
Aurora: *facepalm*

I suppose it was kind of cruel poking Aurora on that subject that she is so apologetic about, but it was so fun...

And... yeah.  I might post again tonight, when I have things a bit more sorted out.

Wow...

I just had a nightmare of Edelweiss dying.  I've being sobbing my eyes out for the last hour or so, and I'm really depressed right now.

I'm back from China now.  Actually, I got back from China June 28th, or so, but I sort of forgot about LJ while in China - my web-routines (what I check while on the web) just got used to the fact that LJ is censored in China, and thus non-existent.

I sort of remembered that LJ exists yesterday, mostly because I was on http://www.temeraire.org and the author of that series has a link to her LiveJournal on her website.  (I have never read the books, but I now plan to.)  Some to think of it, the only reason I was there was because Sandara (my favorite artist) has an amazing fan-art based on it.

Anyway, I've had a good few weeks since I got back, which included visiting/being visited by my beloved girlfriend quite a bit.  That's sort of the spice of life for me, so I'm happy.  It wasn't as good as our plan for me to basically live up there for a week or so, but it's still been quite nice.  Just last week I went up and watched her ballet performance (on her birthday), and a few days after that I went for her birthday party, which was a blast.

As life stands, I'm writing two research papers for the study abroad program, and when I am done that, I will have having a going away to college party on August 4th.  Then my University starts around the 15th, so I'll have a bit of time to do "stuff" before I leave.  Like, all the stuff I wanted to do during the summer.

Maybe this will be my anti-social year at college, and I'll actually get back into writing.

Nah - I love being social.

Anyway, that's the news for now.

Later today (about 5:30 am) I am going to be heading off to the airport, and getting on a flight to Bejing (layover in San Franciso).  I will then be spending the next few weeks learning about China in a study abroad program.  I'll probably check the web periodically via internet cafes, but good advice is to assume that I am just about gone, and expect nothing (easy for me to fulfill, yay!).

See you all in about five weeks.

Love,
-- Nil Athelion

I had an idea for a sci-fi/fantasy setting.  It's not at all developed, and I'm not going to use it, so I'm putting it up here.



So here's the pitch:




The whole thing is rather hazy, with lots of stuff still needing to be figured out.  (Water sources?  Air density?)  I bet the concept could be developed a whole lot, but I don't have the time.  I need to develop more stuff for Dusk, not screw around with yet more world-settings.

In other notes, I just had a weekend of awesome being-with-Toshiko-ness.

Free_serf had an okcupid quiz, so I found myself on that site.  Took another quiz the person wrote.

( Lover style?! )
Not a real surprise.

What is it that I fear the most?  Hidden hatreds that I cannot see; discontent that grows in shadow, with me powerless against what I do not know.


Last night, I had a dream.  I normally don't remember my dreams, but this one I did.  Furthermore, it really caught my attention in that my guardian spirit was involved in it, and not only that, but also her parents.  I had parents in the dream too, but it's weird having characters that only exist in theory in a way that doesn't make sense*.



*:  What I mean was that to operate as a moral embodiment, she has to have relations - morality does not exist in a vaccuum.  However, a spirit, much less one of my own creation, having parents just strikes me as making no sense.

You know what's an awesome game for the PS2?  Shadow of the Colossus, that's what.  I'm currently halfway (8/16) through the game.

Oh, and you know who's an awesome character?  Agro, from Shadow of the Colossus.  Epona now has to deal with the fact that Agro is the most awesomest horse ever.  Yeah, he's a horse.  Yeah, he's a character.  I love that horse now.



This properly goes in a future post about really good stuff.  The post will be named, "Doubleplusawesome."

Ah, classes - the lifeblood of most universities (there's an exception, but I can't remember the name).

Anyway, one of my friends asked about my classes, so I provide the LJ-cutted little blurb for her infomation, and for this place here.  It's not very comprehensive, but I decided that being more comprehensive might kill some readers.  Enjoy

So it's offical.  I'm procrastinating on the State of the Journal stuff.  I think I need a more boring life to wind up writing stuff like that.  A matter of time, and of avaliable activities:  Faced with a choice of doing important schoolwork, writing stories, hanging out with friends, playing games on my computer (ADOM FTW), and randomly writing decent posts for my LJ, I think the LJ one coumes in last.  The exceptions are when I have an urge to post (those generally don't last long enough to make a decent post) and when something notable happens.

I have both of those currently, so I'll be doing a quiz-meme I copied off trenchkamen , and mentioning briefly something I should write about at much greater length.

A - AVAILABLE:  Sorta, if you get my girlfriend's approval.

B - BIRTHDAY: Not telling.  It's in August, though.

C - CEREAL: Ew.  I don't like cereal.  That said, Coco Puffs are chocolatey, and chocolatey is good.

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Apple Juice, courtesy of SouthWest Airlines

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Fudge.  My wonderful girlfriend, probably, but there's a max to how easy it is to talk with friends.  I can't tell any difference between several.

F - FAVORITE BAND: No idea.  And no, that's not a band name, that's a statement.  (I bet there's a band out there named that...)

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Worms, especially sour.

H - HOMETOWN: Born in the UCLA Medical Center, and LA is the closest thing to a hometown.  I grew up traveling, though, so I've only lived in LA from age 9 through 16 - there rest were places like Hong Kong, Penang, Massachusetts, and the like.

I - INSTRUMENT: My mouth.  I whistle, hum, and do other stuff.  Most people don't like it.  They say I'm off key.  I like my music.  Isn't tone-deafness great?

J - JUGGLE:  It's called throwing without aiming, buddy.  Make sure I juggle somethign soft and non-dangerous.

K - KILLED SOMEONE: All manner of animals, but excluding the right of bugs to life (I feel guilty about many of my killings), then not much.

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Ride?  As in continuous being in-or-near car-ness?  I have no idea.  Longest car journey would be my dad driving me from Massachusetts to Los Angeles.

M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Chocolate.  Mint if they have it.  Both if they can manage it.  Vanilla if I have had a lot of chocolate lately.

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: Two.  I have two older half-sisters, and a younger half-brother and younger half-sister.  I grew up as an only cild until my world was shatered at the age of twelve.  Then I had to change diapers and other horrors that are not meant for little children or younger teenagers.

O - ONE WISH:  Come back to me when someone I love dies.  I'll have an answer then, I bet.

P- PERSON WHO CALLED YOU: ...no idea what this question means?

Q- QUICKIE:  Thanks for the thought, but no.

R - REASON TO SMILE: Everything.  I fail to get it on my face most of the time.  Probably because I'm to idealistic for me to actually believe myself.  But I should be smiling at everything, good or bad, that life throws at me.

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD:  My ears are still ringing from... the malfunctioning smoke alarm!  I actually don't little to much music.  Does the music to the Battle of Hoth (You people understand me just saying stuff, goddess bless) count?  What about music from Escaflowne?  I think the Hoth one I listened to back in LA, so that should be the last one.

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP:  Five forty something.  I had to catch a plane.  Did you know that if you are late, and your baggage is the latest, your baggage winds up the first on the carousel?  (Alternatively, it might be waiting for the next flight, but that's not actually what happened.)

U - UNDERWEAR:  Stuff from Costco.  My mother buys.  It's white, and comfortable.  I'm not ogign to wiki types of underwear just so I can tell you what type it is.

V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE:  I don't.  I'll eat most any vegetable, even if swallowing it allows everyone else to see every muscle on my neck.  Some asian vegs are... special.

W - WORST HABIT: Procrastination.  Lack of focus.

X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Teeth at the dentist's, jaw at he orthodontists, chest at UCLA.  I don't remember what hte various chest x-rays were for.  Might have been the pneumonia I got one winter.  Oh, and one of the head ones was for my sinus problems, I'll bet.

Y - YOUR NUMBER OF FRIENDS: Bunches and bunches.  It's very easy to become considered a friend by me - it's friend until proven otherwise.  Close friends include a good number, and I would die, or even kill, for most of them.

Z- ZODIAC SIGN:  Virgo, the Virgin.  Go figure.  Sidereal, I'm Leo.  Go figure again.  (Ask my lover why this is the case.)



Speaking of my lover, I got to be with her again yesterday.  As you may, or may not know, she's been in Japan for the last 10 months.  If you've been following my LJ well, you'll realise that this is the eighth day during which I have seen her in person.  It was a blast.

I'm also going to consider this my first date, as we went out to lunch at a local deli, and walked to the cliff after that.  The funny romantic troubles that are read in such stories manifested, including, but not limited to, getting semi-lost on the way back from bluffs (tells you how well I know my neighborhood), and freezing to be really, really cold.

I won't be able to see her again until spring break, luck be what it may, but that's life.  I love her, she loves me, and we will be together when we can.

Gods I want to be around her more.  She's an awesome person...


(As a side note, there was a 3+ hour break half-way through this, as the fire alarm in my room malfunctioned and drove me out.  after a rather long time, I gave up on the people getting to it and fixing it, and unscrewed and unplugged it.  I can still hear it, but that's just my ears ringing.)

Happy New Year everyone!

1:12 AM Jan 1 over here in Malaysia, in case any of you are staring.

Still staring?  I guess it's because I updated my LiveJournal.  That's ano hter crazy weird things, isn't it.

Anyway, since it's the new year, some of you are getting greetings.  If you're not getting an email or some other message, either I don't think you we someone who deserved a message, or I forgot you.  Given who I am, you probably know that it's the latter, for several reasons. >.<

The other thing that comes around with the new year is my State of the Journal Address.  Stuff happened that year, so it technically should have more than last year.  A lot more.  But I don't have as much time, so things might be a bit shorter than they deserve.  Other important things I may have forgotten.  So if you have questions, ask.  If you don't see it in a timely (before the Spring Semester starts) manner, give me a kick, and tell me to stop procrastinating/forgetting.

And again, A Happy New Year to all you intraweb denizens.

I was feeling a bit stressed, so I played around with the Humanmetrics Myers-Briggs personality test.

Your Type is
INFP

•  

-----------



I wonder what you people test as?

Last Wednesday, we watched the movie Syriana in class.  It was... Well, I don't think I can describe it without understatment.  Let it be understood that all of you people out there should watch this movie.  Unless you are a neo-conservative with a heart condition, I guess.

But really, it's a great, awesome movie.

So I have an essay due day after tomorrow, three sources on my term paper due tommorow, and a memo-essay-thing due tonight. But I'm happy. Really happy.

You see, I got accept into this. By accepted, I mean that the application went in, and I now have a spot reserved for me on the trip. Last year the spots filled up in two hours or so. But I'm in, so who cares!

*does the awesomely happy dance*

Asside from being amazingly educative and interesting and a once-in-a-lifetime thing, it also fufills both Honors and SGS credit.  It's in my major!  Which, while not the main feature, clearly does not hurt things.

Oh, and faile?  You prodded me on updating my LJ.  You should have just waited until something like this happened to me.  Then I will post.  It's much better than "Here's my result in a quiz," or "do this meme," or "here's a story of injuries" (my fingernail did indeed fall off, and now looks really weird).

Anyway, I'm happy.  Really happy.

Now back to essays, readings, and research..